Why can't I sleep?
The kid is sick.
Of course, I scheduled a dentist appointment when she should be in school, but no... she will be home sick tomorrow, and D will stay home with her. I haven't been to the dentist in almost three years so it feels rather urgent that I go.
I feel icky that it's been three years since I've been to the dentist. I dread what they'll say to me and what they may find. My excuse? Depression and stay-at-home motherhood. That E is sick, and I had to pull D out of an important morning at work in order to go to this appointment... when can I make plans for anything? You know?
I am learning new software in order to produce something for E's school. This brings me a lot of anxiety. I don't like learning new software because D learns it quickly and then tells me how to do it so that I never learn it in an organic way. I keep having to tell him not to explain this software to me.
I'm still steaming from recent conversations with my MIL. I should grow up or something.
She came over again today and kept pointing her fingers at this and that, trying to blame E's cold on stuff here and her own earlier sniffles on E and the preschool.
But it was L who had the runny nose first so I told D that she could have picked up a bug when she was locked on that tour bus last week for a few hours. I just get so tired of her pointing fingers, almost with delight. She said she walked into E's school for the art celebration, saw some mold in the corner of the entry way, and immediately started sniffling, and that's the reason she and E are sick now. I don't think one can get this kind of sniffles that fast (these are not allergy-related) so I feel resentful of her pointing her finger at E or the school, and I think she should wonder about other ways she could have come in contact with a bug. Why is the origin always with us?
So I was secretly delighted that D passed on our thought that the bug came from her recent tour bus excursion. He said it caught her totally off-guard, and then she argued with him.
Can I just say that I totally don't fucking care how the cold came? My kid went through 4 boxes of Kleenex today because she's dramatic when she has snot. Tomorrow will be challenging. And, L, a mile away, will have her windows and doors boarded up so that no extra germs from here seep in under the threshold.
Fuck this week, including all of the other stupid things I didn't mention in this post because they would show you how putridly pitiful I really am.
Still can't sleep.