I still feel fine about burning the journals and letters. That was a healthy, present-focused thing to do.
I just feel tired, uninspired, icky.
That chicken soup didn't turn out. The green tomato pickles didn't turn out. I want to make soup and pickles and eat them every day because they're health-giving, but D won't eat the pickles, and E won't eat the soup. Why try?
On one of my favorite mailing lists, a woman shared about her "forever soup." She pretty much keeps a crock pot on low constantly during the dreary months and adds new bits of this and that each day so the soup tastes different every day. What went in yesterday becomes part of the background flavor for whatever she puts in today.
I wonder, "Would I like this? Would it feel like a burden to me? Would it solve many meal problems here? How could I get kid and husband on board?" In theory, I like her idea. In practice -- here, with this family -- I'm not sure.
Last week I did an experiment with oats and apples in the crock pot and kept it going for two and a half days. I liked how it turned out. It required so much water over that span of time that the oats turned glue-y, but that was unusual and charming to me because I usually make very thick, chunky oatmeal. E said, "This looks like jello!" and refused to eat it even though it was filled with apples, nuts, and maple syrup. D liked it and even took some to work one early morning.
In my readings in the realm of Chinese medicine and dietary therapy, I read a lot about congees. For health reasons, this is the sort of thing I'd rather eat most mornings. I also would like to eat miso soup or even saimin.
A few times, when we've had really good smoked salmon here, E and I have had oatmeal and a bit of smoked salmon. This is the best power breakfast for me, and I tease her about her Scottish roots. Oatmeal by itself leaves me hungry an hour later. But oatmeal and salmon gives me sustained, focused energy.
But there was something really neat about that oatmeal and apples in the crockpot. It almost tasted as if the apples were beginning to ferment because they took on some husky tones. Also, apples and oats work so well together to bring health. I liked that the oatmeal thing was just there and ready on the counter -- even for a snack.
And... gads... I pretty much just made a post about glop. Forgive me. That is how my mind feels right now, too.