My systems seem to have broken down. I have a funny tummy, no energy, and am having a really difficult cycle. Since Friday morning, I've had three small "mealish" things, a few apples, some saltines, ginger tea and ginger ale, and lots of water. When I eat a "mealish" thing, I have to be horizontal for awhile because my legs want to go up to the ceiling, and the food wants to leave, too. On Friday afternoon, when D, E, and my MIL were off on an adventure downtown, I just sat in bed and sobbed. I don't know why I cried. I probably needed to cry because I haven't cried very much in the last year or two, but these tears came from some far-away place. Off and on for the last few days, I've had hot flashes and "cold flashes." Abdominal cramps turn my insides upside down. I'm a little concerned by how this is playing out. Since no one else over here seems sick (and no one I've been in contact with in the last couple of weeks has had these symptoms), I'm thinking this is hormonal weirdness now, and I'm a little wigged out.
This is what is giving me hope:
- I will take a well child to school tomorrow, and I will have 3 hours to myself at home before I pick her up. I will use that time to hide under blankets and drink more tea. (I am very grateful that E's health has held up as well as it has... I think the elderberry syrup is helping a lot.)
- Thanksgiving plans with my unusual family are evolving in a very sane, low-stress way. Family members are acting very generous, grounded, helpful. It would behoove me to make a couple of batches of cornbread this week so that I have some extra around for stuffing, but there isn't a big list of things for me to do yet. We'll only have 9 people here that day, and I have a short list of house-cleaning chores to tackle next weekend. (Please note: this does not mean that my house is clean. It means that I'm being realistic about what is truly necessary for me to accomplish before Thanksgiving. However, I reserve the right to go completely berserk about cleaning bathrooms next weekend.)
- Two more people have expressed interest in learning how to ferment vegetables. One woman is a massage therapist who might barter massage for kimchi. Can you imagine this alternate universe where such a trade could happen happily?
- I had a chance to check in with a few people about some issues with E, and I feel better -- more confident in what I'm seeing, less frantic about forcing a solution. I hope that a natural solution works itself out. For now, I appreciate other peoples' insights and suggestions.
- My husband is really nice, smart, and patient. When I am stressed out or not feeling well, he rests his hand on my back, and I just float away. He's my plumb-line to goodness, groundedness, and hope.
That's a lot. I had some snarky things to write here, but I deleted them.