I finally finished the third bed -- 4' x 12' (on top). I dug it much deeper. It's much loftier because I went dug down deeper and ammended it more intensively. I'll post a picture of it when I'm in a better mood.
We've been working so hard. Both D and I were feeling icky today (rare sleepless night with kid didn't help). Our bodies hurt so much from putting shingles up on the roof (him) and digging (me). Some days I work so hard out there that I can't even talk. When E asks me to help her put gloves on for the fourth time in an hour and I can't even get my own gloves off to do that because I'm shaking and sputtering from having dug for hours... it's yucky. I can be an impatient mom when I'm that tired.
How do we get through the stuff we have to get through?
I'm still figuring out how to connect with my mother since my dad's passing. I am grateful that today she didn't argue with me when I asked if E and I could come up tomorrow. I am working very hard on things in my own life, but I talk to my mom three times a week on the phone and try to visit with her once or twice a month. I'd visit more often if she didn't refuse to see me. You know? And, although I invite her here frequently, she will only stop by on a blue moon. It's been a long time since I used any guilt or pressure with my mom. I'm just open-hearted and don't expect anything. She seems interested in seeing the chickens someday, though.
Truthfully, I feel incredibly lonely lately. My mother and D's mother -- from different perspectives -- seem to think we're a little crazy with our garden plans. Now's about the time when we could use a warm pat on the back and a "Gee, I'm proud of you. This is smart." Yesterday, while D was resting, his mother kept trying to process doomsday scenarios with me while I was washing the dishes after dinner. "So, if D doesn't get a job, you'll have to move from here, right? You'll have to get an apartment somewhere..."
There is so much at stake. So I keep digging and dreaming of a healthy garden. It's the only thing I know how to do right now. I might be crazy. Or I might be smart.