There have been hundreds of frustrations. My friend P calls the disintegration of the landscaping out front as a "start-up cost." The shower has needed cleaning for a long time, and D is learning to cook, but...
I am happy.
I have worked 12 - 16 hours every day for more than three months (except for three days during that time when I just felt too broken to continue). I have pages and pages of to-do lists that eventually get checked off. D has been a saint in helping me with his clear thinking and engineering background.
This is working. Sort of. I mean... there are customers, and they come back for more. And they are nice, and it's fun to talk to them, and by the end of a Saturday, I feel exhausted and hopeful.
Mostly, though, I'm thinking right now about the hard production end of this experiment.
So far, I have worked through almost 1000 pounds of produce in order to create my products. Most of that is fermenting right now because customers have been frustrated with me for selling out so I've been trying to increase production.
But 1000 pounds of produce... I have worked through that since March, when I was accepted into the Beaverton Farmers Market. I am so tired. The sauerkraut takes two months to ferment, and the kimchi takes two weeks. Those fermentation times complicate production right now because everything is new, and I have no idea what people will like.
But I am happy. As much as I dread making a 30 pound batch of sauerkraut when my feet hurt and there are a hundred other things to do, I love the cabbage. It makes me happy. I cut pieces of the cabbage and think, "Wow... that there is going to crunch just right."
The vegetables *still* make me happy. They recharge me. I still love doing this even though I recognize I need more breaks and rest. I love celebrating the vegetables in this way.