why i'm a mess: in chapters

I just got back from a craft workshop at my daughter's school.  I liked it a lot, but I felt awkward there and sometimes I just really hate being an older mom to a young kid.

I've kept so much inside during the last month, during the last several months, during most of my life.

I used to get in trouble for sharing too much with the wrong people so I just have tried to keep it all inside.

But it doesn't stay inside neatly when I start to feel it all.  And I'm raw all over right now because of my cousin's passing and other family weirdness.  I feel as though I expressed myself weirdly tonight with the other parents in the craft workshop.  I feel exposed in a bad way.

Best part of today:  E and I did our longest hike ever -- from the Arboretum's visitor center to the Winter Garden and then down to the Japanese Garden (which was closed until noon because it was Monday).  Then we hiked back up the hill to the car, stopping briefly at a big tree stump that E wanted to climb and sit upon.  We were walking for 90 minutes or more so I guess we did 4 miles or so?

Another good thing:  the new batch of sauerkraut is bubbling in the crock.  I used the same general recipe as before with kale and apples, but I added some sweet onion this time.  It affirms me when I hear the bubbles rise -- that means what needs to happen is happening.

Comments

[Cynthia]

Of course you feel raw honey-----it's o.k. (and I always hated hanging out with parents at the preschool---finally found some I liked but it can be really awkward).

I'll thinking of you and on Thanksgiving when I think of things I am thankful for one of them will be finding you and your blog.

take care

[BipolarLawyerCook]

I'm hoping you had a restful, reviving afternoon to yourself yesterday.