joy

I have been trying to share with D about how things are going for me.  I don't feel "depressed" in a way that's familiar to me.  I think maybe my body and mind are so wrung out from anxiety that it's difficult for me to feel joy or to take small, meaningful steps forward.

Things with my MIL and my mother have been getting me down.  I have been procrastinating on some creative projects, and those deadlines are looming.  I just feel lost.   I don't know who I am these days.  I went out in the garden to see if there were any asparagus spears poking up, and I took it personally that they weren't up yet.  I feel like Charlie Brown, expecting the worst or something.

But here is some joy!  We've never had an Easter egg hunt with E before.  She loved it.  My MIL dyed the eggs with her.  I was frustrated that she took over with that because I wanted to try some natural plant dyes, but maybe we can do that next year.  It seemed very important to L that she was in charge of the egg dyeing project, and sometimes...  well...  I have to choose my battles.  You know?

I like this picture of E reaching up toward an egg higher up on the berm.  The plants are starting to grow again, and I love seeing the flowering cherry umm... flowering.  What looks like unruly grass is really our herbal lawn.  It's mostly fluffy yarrow, and I won't give it a haircut until the yarrow blooms and I can harvest the flowers for teas.  It's luscious to walk upon.

D is making dinner to give me a break.  He's making chicken and mashed potatoes.  I went out in the garden just a bit ago to pick kale and mustard greens to add to the dinner.  We are so lucky.