icky conversations. false, forced praise sent my way in attempt to "plump up" my spirits after rejection. putting myself out there at the wrong time and getting the natural slap that comes from that. too many cooks in the kitchen already. "your perceptions are wrong." other people are in control. i'm wrong to worry, apparently. what i am seeing is not true, apparently.
with my gray hair and seasoned (albeit cobwebbed) resume, i don't care about any of that muck except for the false praise given after being told to bugger off. i can't stand that. it hurts deeply.
[...deleting...]
lower case because everything is so sensitive, and i feel like turds.
i cried more yesterday than i have in a year, despite multiple deaths. and i don't see my way to a therapy appointment until fall. grumpy. overwhelmed. peri-menopausal.
fuck wild beasts in cloud streams.
it's time for some magic.
thinking of you.....
Posted by: cynthia | May 16, 2009 at 01:12 AM