bad day

I am tired and drained. I am angry and feel misunderstood.  I had to convey something important to my husband this morning, and I did that by yelling, and I really wish I had used a softer voice.

I have been standing at the kitchen stove since last Friday evening.  D just gave me the best foot rub ever so I feel renewed for tomorrow at the stove again.

My mother thinks I am damaging my child and my marriage with my canning adventures.  She told me to dump 20 pounds of peaches in my yard and hope that a tree grows because it will be cheaper than the $20 I spent on 20 pounds of perfect, organic peaches that I have been struggling to make use of before they're overipe.

It was my mother's birthday yesterday, and I made her a carrot cake from carrots from our garden.  I brought over the kale pesto I worked on the other day.   I brought green beans from the garden.  It was simple, but it took me a lot of time. 

It takes time to honor the earth and honor ingredients.  My big learning project with the garden this year is to use what we grow in a way that honors our effort and the vibrant life of the plant.   I'm not getting an A+ this year.  The learning curve is steep.  But it feels really yucky when people I love dismiss or ignore the hard work I'm doing or the meaning I'm making.  I don't expect them to embrace the same meaning I'm using in this effort (a cake is a cake to my mom), but -- after all that I have given, so freely, and with such care -- I wish that my relatives could acknowledge that it mattered to me in a nice way.

Comments

[Taylor]

I can't speak about what does or doesn't damage anyone's particular marriage...but my son has heard from his infancy "Not right now...we have to weed/harvest/plant/can this food so we can have it later." He gets bored at the food co-op while I am working so that we can afford organic food. In short, I DEEPLY believe that his understanding that we work for food, that we inconvenience ourselves in order to have deep nutrition is actually good for him. He has a strong sense of the importance that food plays in our lives, and he (now at almost 3) really likes to help. He gardens and cans along side, loves to participate in the harvest, and knows that he must go entertain himself sometimes. These are things that every child used to learn as a matter of course, since there just wasn't an Albertson's down the street. In what way is learning about the importance of growing, honoring, and preserving food damaging? That's insane.

[Slick]

How many times have I wished that i said something or done something differently. Or even NOT done it, NOT said it. Or the opposite. Judicious editing would be such a wonder in our lives, wouldn't it? But that striving for 'perfection' is supposed to be what all our lives (incarnations) are about, according to some. I think it must be true.

[growingcurious]

Well, I'm not sure if I'm striving for perfection, Slick, but I do want to be as kind as possible. I'm glad my husband is patient with me.

Taylor, you said: "...my son has heard from his infancy 'Not right now...we have to weed/harvest/plant/can this food so we can have it later.' ... I DEEPLY believe that his understanding that we work for food, that we inconvenience ourselves in order to have deep nutrition is actually good for him."

I've carried this thought around with me all day, and I appreciate how beautifully you put it.